Episode 16: I’m a star, how could I not shine?
Three Lessons I’ve Learned from Being a “Winner”
🔗 Links to all sections to skip to what you want/need (will update once published):
What I’m Thinking About | What I’m Reading | What I’m Watching | What I’m Vibin’ to | Bonus Track: Rocket Money
What I’m Thinking About
When Kanye was in his prime, I was a HUGE fan! His album Graduation dropped when I was a senior in high school, and we used that album as inspiration for our Senior Class shirt. I used to joke that I was a baby Kanye because I truly embodied his lyrics and I was not humble at all. My “star” began to rise in my senior year of high school when I was selected to attend the NAF Annual Awards Ceremony in New York to give a speech and present an award to Harry McGraw III, CEO and Founder of McGraw-Hill and Company, the textbook maker. The event was a big deal as tennis star Andre Agassi, former Xerox CEO Ursula Burns, and former American Express CEO Kenneth Chenault were also awardees. My high school blew this news up and celebrated me at school and then I ended up in The Charlotte Observer. This happened in December of my senior year and the rest was history in terms of me feeling myself lol.
When I lived in Philly, many of my awards were on display and integrated in my home decor. One day I realized that while I didn’t have trophies for sports, I had them for something even better - being me. I am proud of the awards and accolades I’ve obtained because I got them for being myself and for doing work that I think is important. I didn't have to try to be someone else or sell my soul just to be named to a list or get a trophy. Some of my most cherished awards are from organizations like the National Society of Black Engineers and BlackcomputeHER, where my peers nominated me for the work I did both in the respective organizations and in the community.
My most recent win was being named to the EBONY Power 100 List as a STEM Trailblazer! This award was special because I was nominated by my bestie, Germanee. This award was also the third "list" I've made by Black publications, which is also special. In 2018 I was named to the Root 100 List, and in 2021, I was named to the Essence Woke 100 List (those weren’t nominations, so I still don’t know how it happened lol).
The EBONY Power 100 Gala was AMAZING and ya girl got her first set of Getty Images. Shoutout to Dr. Angel for being such a wonderful guest and flying all the way from New York City to share this moment with me. She made sure to capture all the photos and videos so that I could truly be in the moment and I really appreciated that! The event was star-studded to the point where I texted my best friend telling her that it was a little too Hollywood haha.
I still can’t believe URSHER showed up and I also met one of my author faves, Kennedy Ryan, who is also on the list! I also met my scholar hero and soror, Dr. Kimberlé Crenshaw, who is one of the pioneers of Intersectionality and whose work I cited in my dissertation! Lastly, I met Durand Bernarr and Emayatzy Corinealdi, who plays Jax Stewart on Reasonable Doubt - I am still kicking myself for not getting a photo with her. She's so sweet and stunning.
I began to draft this newsletter after I posted that I was on the EBONY Power 100 List because it brought up a few things that I've learned along the way that I wanted to share.
Three Lessons I’ve Learned from Being a “Winner”
I learned a lot of lessons really quickly once I started winning and being in the limelight more consistently. The first lesson was that not everyone wants to see you shine. That was a tough pill to swallow. While jealousy is normal, it made me uncomfortable when close friends didn’t get excited by my success. I had to do a lot of soul-searching around dimming my light to make others comfortable. Dimming my light for others didn’t last too long, because I started getting fussed out for not telling folks about my wins by those who do care and are excited by my success. I realized that I was just telling the wrong folks my business. I am surprised any time I achieve something new because I’ve never felt entitled to my accomplishments. I’ve truly earned everything I’ve received, so yes, I will be excited every single time and would like for you to be excited too as my friend. Not only that, I will be excited for you to win, too! In fact, I have nominated several friends for awards that I’ve received as a way to pay it forward.
Conversely, the second thing I learned is that shining my light gives other people permission to shine theirs. I’ve been in a position to inspire people of all ages for a long time, and while I never asked to be in this position, I don’t take it lightly. In fact, my Grandmother’s late pastor once told me that my name would be in the lights. I was super young at the time but if you grew up in church, you know you don’t take comments like these lightly! I think about her comment every time I achieve something on a national scale and it really gives me chills.
Finally, I had to get comfortable being a high achiever and not dimming my light when dating. I have dated insecure men in the past, and I am grateful for the lessons they taught me because now I know what to look out for. I am also thankful for everyone around me who made sure I knew those were NOT the men for me and that if a man can’t handle my greatness, I need to R U N! That relationship would never get better and I will ultimately suffer. It's led to me being super single, which sucks if I'm being honest, but I’d rather protect my peace than to have someone intentionally try to “break me down” or humble me.
In the "What I'm Watching" section below, I talk about the new Netflix show "Later Daters". One of the participants is a Black woman with a Ph.D. and she talks about how she's played small about her accomplishment because men can't handle it. It sucked to hear a Black woman in her 60s say that. I was catching up with one of my married friends, who also has her doctorate, about the show and she was curious about how dating is for me. I told her that men are attracted to my success, but then they penalize me for being ambitious. Men often make excuses about why a relationship with me can't work. My friend said that it makes sense that men would be attracted to my success because it's likely something that they want for themselves. No one has ever framed it that way. Either way, I'm still super single in these streets, so, :shrug: lol.
While I may not lead a conversation with my accolades, I’ll never dim my light for anyone. I know my friends like to brag on me to others and then call me humble when I’m like :shrug:. It’s not that I’m trying to hide my accomplishments and I don’t mind yall bragging, I will just never be one of those people who feels as though I need to tell all of my accomplishments to strangers so they’ll know how legit/dope/accomplished I am. I prefer for it to come up naturally. I’m unapologetically dope (word to Dr. Nicki Washington) and I encourage you to be the same!
My Umi said shine your light on the world
Shine your light for the world to see
My Abi said shine your light on the world
Shine your light for the world to see
What I’m Reading
The Art of Desire by Selena Montgomery AKA Stacey Abrams (yes, that Stacey Abrams!)
Rating: 2/5
This was my first time reading a book by Selena Montgomery, AKA, Stacey Abrams. I want to start by saying how I think it’s super cool that she is saving our democracy while writing romance novels!
Unfortunately this book didn’t work for me. I started the book to follow the main character Alex, but the book started off with Phillip’s story and I was confused about what was happening for a while. Additionally, the POV shifted a lot mid dialogue. This was the first time I read a book like that and I didn’t love it. It wasn’t hard to follow just a little disjointed.
Lastly, I didn’t love the way the book ended. Maybe that’s because it felt Iike the mission took precedence over the romance.
What I’m Watching
If you know me well, you know I love seasoned people! (meaning, folks who are older than me lol)
When we moved to Charlotte, I often ended up hanging out with my mom and her friends. I also spent a lot of time in my formative years with my grandparents. As a result, I now have friends of all ages, and plenty who are 10+ years my age and I LOVE THEM!
Anyway, when I found out about this dating show for folks in their 50s/60s, I pressed play IMMEDIATELY and you should too! Michelle Obama is the Executive Producer and below is her hot takes on dating and relationships based on clips from the show. The show is so wholesome and cute!
Have y’all watched yet? Please report back when you do! I loved me some Anise and Mr. Willy LOL
What I’m Vibing To
Last month I had the pleasure of dusting off my DJ skills for an NC State Homecoming party! ICYMI: when I was in undergrad, I was a DJ by the name of DJ C.E.O! and I had a radio show called Soulful Renaissance, hence the name of this newsletter.
The playlist below is part of what I played during the party. Enjoy!
Bonus Track: Rocket Money
I just started using the Rocket Money app to track my spending better and while I feel like they’re all up in my business, I do like that it automatically captures my recurring bills and let’s me know when they are do or when they increase. While mostly all of my bills are on auto-pay, it is nice to know when things are due or when they increase. You can even pay for Rocket Money to negotiate on your behalf to lower a bill. I haven’t gone that far with it yet, but I like the app overall.
I also like having all of my account connected to Rocket Money so that I can see my net worth. I’m in the process of paying off all of my credit card debt, so it’s nice to track my progress using one app. I previously used Personal Capital to do this, but the features on Rocket Money are better in my opinion.
Are you using this app or an app like it to track your monies? How do you like it so far? Let me know!
Love, Love, LOVEEEEE <3
Talk your stuff, love seeing you shine friend! Also - the piece about not dimming your own light is crucial. When you’re a light, you may attract a few bugs but more importantly, others will shine brighter because of you. ♥️